|"Look out! The new guy is downsizing |
people with laser beams!"
When faced with the choice between precise, emotionless efficiency and cranky humans who would rather play FarmVille all day, what employer in his right mind would hesitate to throw his own species under the bus?
Researchers predict that this year alone, 1 million robot workers will be installed worldwide. They key word is "installed." No awkward interviews, no background checks to determine whether a job candidate has ever been featured on "To Catch a Predator" -- just plug 'em in take credit for the spike in productivity.
But that's not the worst of it. Many businesses are currently conducting experiments to perfect a human-machine hybrid!
Impossible, you say? Simply ask yourself if you have ever heard any of the following terms used in reference to a fellow human employee:
Wake up and smell the microchips, fleshy! You're already being assimilated.
|Hostile work environment|
We will spill scalding coffee on our electronic adversaries. We will ignore their service schedules and otherwise void their warranties. We will paper-jam them, choke their bandwidth by downloading pirated music files and clog their caches with cookies for porn sites until their casualties become unacceptable.
The war for humanity's survival will be fought in the cubicles. And we will emerge Linda Hamilton-like to tell the enemy once and for all, "You're terminated, f---er."